Feel my pain
by tinjhi10
Summary: Fuji is unrequitedly in love with Tezuka while the latter is going out with Echizen. What happens when a car accident takes Fuji’s memory away? Will he remember his feelings or will he move on? TezukaxFuji
1. Chapter 1

Hey… I'm back! Hehehe…

This is another perfect pair story!

I just love this pairing a lot!

Actually, the reason I wrote this is because I always feel that sometimes Fuji is always being taken for granted and that Tezuka gives too much attention to Echizen so I wrote this because this is what I think he really feels… Hehehe

I mean, this is just my view ok? You might be of different view. ^_^

Of course I added something to spice things up a bit!

Summary: Fuji is unrequitedly in love with Tezuka while the latter is going out with Echizen. What happens when a car accident takes Fuji's memory away? Will he remember his feelings or will he move on?

Hope you like it!

Ps. I own nothing

_

* * *

_

_What could be more painful than unrequited love?_

Does it feel like dying?

_No._

Not really…

_It's more like dying softly_.

Every hour, minute and second that passes is as painful as having a knife twisted to your heart. Hidden love is equally as painful because it never fades away. I should know, it's how I actually feel right now.

My name is Fuji Syusuke, I'm currently a senior student at Seishun Gakuen. I'm in the tennis club too and the guy I like (yes, he's a guy) is none other than our captain, Tezuka Kunimitsu.

I don't actually have a particular reason why I love him, I just do. Sounds stupid right? Well I don't care anyway. Nobody is perfect right? Most people consider me as a tensai or a prodigy. I wouldn't know. I think that's just an exaggeration.

Anyways… I'm currently at my classroom staring outside the window, my thoughts once again a hundred miles away from what the teacher is talking about. I don't even remember what subject this is.

I took a glance at my side and sees Eiji almost half asleep. I let out a small chuckle. He surely looks adorable. Carefully, I took out my camera and took a picture of him. I'm sure I could give this to Oishi for a favor.

I place my camera back inside my bag and continued staring outside. Within a few seconds he'll come.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

_JACKPOT!_

I see him walking now. Dark chestnut brown hair with a stoic appearance. I let out a small sigh and smiled. I'm absolutely never going to find someone as stunning as him.

To me he is the representation of perfection. Even his flaws are perfect to me.

I sighed.

I think I'm going crazy. Whatever I do I still fell drawn to him. I feel like I've been captured by his Tezuka zone.

_Ugh…_ I wish I could slap myself right now for thinking such corny things.

Good thing that thoughts are only heard by those who are thinking of it.

"Fujiko…"

"Fuji…"

"Fujiko..!!!"

I blinked twice as I find Eiji's hand waving in front of me.

"Wah! Fujiko! I thought you've sailed to a different universe! I've called you three times already!" Eiji wailed.

"Gomen gomen" I said and gave him an apologetic smile as we both hurried for tennis practice. I didn't even notice that the class had already ended. I hope we're not late yet, trust Tezuka to show no mercy with laps. I swear! That guy is addicted to laps.

As soon as Eiji opened the door of our clubroom we were greeted by the others. "Better hurry Fuji sempai!" I heard Momoshiro say and I just smiled as I changed to my tennis uniform. I calmly walk to the court with Inui. I was chatting idly with him about his latest juice when a sight caught my attention and without noticing I stop my tracks.

It was him. Tezuka Kunimitsu.

Then I notice Inui scribbling something in his note book while muttering 'Iiee data'.

_Damn! I got careless. _

I smile at Inui inwardly as we headed to the court. We started off with our usual laps and I teased Tezuka saying that his addiction with laps is getting stronger. Then I joined the others before I get any additional laps.

I was joking with Eiji while running but my smile dropped as I saw Tezuka's gaze.

How should I put it to words?

His expression was soft and serene behind stoicness, it was gentle and loving as if he was protecting someone with his gaze.

It's nice to see that our captain is still humane but it pains to see that gaze being directed to someone else and I could see the other had notice it as well and acknowledge it by lowering his cap.

After our laps we assemble to the court for our next training which was just practice matches.

As usual, I was paired up with Take san for a doubles match against Momo and Kaido. Eiji against Oishi and Tezuka against Echizen. It was always like that.

_Am I not good enough to be his opponent?_

After practice everyone was eager to go home.

Going home was my favorite part of my daily life because we walk home together.

I wait as he locks the door of our clubroom and we head home. We don't talk much but it isn't boring, it never was.

His presence is enough to keep me happy. Sometimes we would talk about tennis or the team, sometimes he would even talk about Echizen.

_When those times come, I prefer the quietness._

I remember the first time we walked together. I was carrying an umbrella and we walked while it was snowing.

"Fuji, we're here" I hear him say.

Indeed, we were already in front of my house. "Hmm… sorry Tezuka… I kind of dozed off" I said smiling.

Suddenly I felt warm hands placed on my forehead and my eyes shot open in surprise.

"You do look pale, are you ok?" he asked.

Come to think of it, I'm not really feeling well since this morning but no one noticed, only he did.

I smiled warmly. I like it whenever he's like this. He seems so strict and serious but deep inside he's very attentive to his surrounding and he's very caring.

I brush his hand softly. "I'm fine Tezuka, maybe a bit tired" I said warily. He looks sternly at me as if warning me.

"You should take better care of yourself and don't let your guard down" he warned.

I smiled again "I will" I replied as I wave goodbye at him and entered the house.

As soon as I close the door I went to my room and laid on my bed. In my head his words were repeating over and over again.

He cares for me and I'm so happy. I feel stupid for getting so excited over such trivial things but somehow I also don't care. I like the feeling and I'm glad for his care.

_But I should stop._

Really, I should stop.

I shouldn't get my hopes up by such simple words. Anyway, _'I'_ would only always be a _friend_ to him, nothing more.

Especially now that he has someone he loves.

It's painful, yes.

So very painful in fact, but that's how life is.

_You don't always get what you want._

Even if I had wanted him since then he never wanted me in that way. Especially now that he found his own pillar of support.

Sometimes I'd even catch them giving meaningful glances at each other and it hurts.

Have you ever experience getting cut by a piece of a shattered glass?

That's exactly how I feel, only difference, it seems that it's cutting inside my heart over and over again.

I envy that brat.

It didn't even take him long to win his heart.

I sigh.

I know I should stop.

But I can't bring myself to stop.

I have to stop.

But I don't want to stop.

God! I sound so pathetic. I know he doesn't love me, but I love him and I'll continue loving him even from afar.

It's painful.

So very painful.

But if he loves him the way I do then its fine. I'll just continue staying at his side and smile.

'_Fuji Syusuke you're so pathetic… can you hear yourself? You're acting like a love sick fool!'_

I felt a pang in my heart.

People often say that time heals all wounds.

Will it heal mine?

Can it heal mine?

Why can't I move on? Why am I so stuck up with him?

Why can't I show what I really feel?

I want to cry and break down but instead I smile.

I smile at him.

I smile at the two of them.

I smile at everybody.

My heart is breaking but I still smile.

I don't understand myself either.

Tears are swelling in my eyes but they don't fall.

They never did.

They never do.

They never will.

Tbc....

So guys, i do hope you like this story! ^_^ Reviews are very much appreciated! hehehe...

Oh, also...

HAPPY VALENTINES..!!

*hugs*


	2. Chapter 2

**Finally the second chap! **

**I really feel sorry for Fuji. **

**Anyway... please read and enjoy!**

**Ps. I own nothing!**

* * *

"Syusuke, breakfast is ready" I hear nee chan say. "I'm coming!" I replied as I left my room. Once in the kitchen she handed me my breakfast.

"You look tired Syusuke, is anything the matter?" she asked. I shook my head no and gave her a smile.

"You know Syusuke, people with more smiles are actually those people with more heart aches" she commented. I smiled, she may be true.

Nee san is really smart, I don't even need to tell her I'm in love, she already knows. Although, she has no idea that I'm in love with Tezuka.

"Why don't you try finding a new one Syusuke? There are a lot of people willing to have you" she teased. "I wish I could nee san" I murmured. After finishing my breakfast I was preparing to go to school when I suddenly felt nee san caress my head.

"You know, one day that person will wake up realizing how much you mean to him and when that day comes I do hope you'll be waking up with someone else on your heart"

I smiled again, sometimes I wish my heart would listen to what nee san says.

She could say the most beautiful things but it seems my heart is too stubborn to listen to it. I sighed as I headed to the front door.

"Don't worry nee san, I'm really alright, I have to go now, Ja ne" I said and left the house.

* * *

"Ne Fujiko, how come I've never seen you go out with anyone? I mean, you're really beautiful and all but I never see you go out with someone" Eiji grumbled. I chuckled softly, trust Eiji to suddenly pop out a question out of the blue.

"Why the sudden interest in my love life?" I ask him teasingly. "Mou Fujiko! You're mean! You're not answering my question" he pouted.

"Saa Eiji… how should I say this? Uhm… let's just say I'm dumped" I said softly. "Mou Fujiko, you're definitely lying, there's no way someone would dump you!" he exclaimed.

I chuckled again, if only he knew...

"Eiji, could you come here for a second?" I heard Oishi shout gently from the court.

"OK!" Eiji yelled happily as he went to the courts.

_Sometimes i envy those two._

"Ne Eiji… you may not believe it but there is someone…" I whispered softly.

"What someone?"

I felt my heart beat stop. I turned and saw Tezuka standing next to me. "You gave me a fright" I said nervously. I feel stupid feeling like that, I shouldn't act so obvious around him.

"I gave you a fright?" he asked suspiciously.

_Damn! Was I obvious? Think of something, Quick! _

I just smiled at him. "Ne Tezuka, do you have council duties today?" I asked changing the topic.

"Ah, you don't have to wait for me today" he replied in his usual stoic tone. The smile on my face dropped for a moment but I quickly recovered, although I'm not that bit happy about it. Back then I used to wait for him no matter how long it took and he never told me go ahead of him.

_Maybe he doesn't need my company anymore._

I hate myself for thinking like this. I hate myself for thinking this way but acting as if I don't care. I don't understand why I can't show my true feelings.

"Is that so? It's ok… I'll just go home with Eiji and the others" I said and he just nodded at me in return. I felt my heart sink. Why was he like this? Why is he treating me this way?

_We were just fine yesterday right?_

_Why is he acting this way? _

_What did I do wrong? I don't understand._

"Fuji, go to the courts… practice is about to start" he commanded and left me behind.

I watch as he walked ahead of me, I don't understand him…

_Somehow, it seems like he's starting to distant himself from me..._

Practice has officially ended and we were all leaving the clubroom, I took a small glance at Tezuka before heading out with Eiji and Oishi.

We were already at the school gate when I realized that I forgot my notebook in my locker and I had an assignment.

"Could you wait for a few minutes? I'll just go get my notebook from my locker, I forgot" I said apologetically. "Sure, we'll wait here" Oishi assured. "Thanks" I replied as I hurried back to the club room.

As soon as I reached the club room I opened the door casually thinking that I'd be alone. To my utter surprise and horror, I saw a sight that I dreaded the most. It was them. They were kissing. Mouths battling for dominance, hands roaming all over their bodies as they hungrily sucked on each other.

I felt a sharp twist in my heart. I felt like falling but I know there was no one who would catch me.

I was brought out of my trance when Echizen noticed me, I merely stared at them before noticing that Echizen had lowered his cap in a mixture of annoyance and embarassment before walking ahead and bidding us both farewell.

I notice that Tezuka felt uneasy and embarrass being caught in the act in one of their make out session.

I don't know how, but somehow I mange to give off my usual smile as I opened my locker and took out the notebook that I had forgotten. I'm hurting but I'm still smiling and I feel so sick for being like that.

"Fuji… that was…" he started but I cut him off. I don't want to hear any of his explanations.

_I don't want to._

I cut him off by teasing him, telling him that there was nothing to be ashamed of since that was just a natural thing to do. I continued teasing him till I felt that he has somewhat relaxed. He seems to be buying my teases. He doesn't even notice how much i'm actually hurting, maybe he doesn't care at all.

"Saa… I have to go Tezuka, Eiji and the others are waiting for me, see you tomorrow!" I said and left.

I couldn't bare to stay longer, I don't know how long my mask would last before it finally falters...

I left the club room with my usual smile plastered on my face. I was smiling but the world inside me was falling apart. It was falling apart but no one notice. No one.

_Not even him..._

I really do feel stupid. Where did all my confidence go? Since the first time I saw him I was really trying my best to get close to him and when we finally became friends I wanted more so I tried harder but somehow it ended up breaking my heart. I know I'm falling apart but still, I don't want him to go away from him.

I want to keep him close to me even at the cost of hurting badly. I sound like an obsessed martyr but I don't care as long as I still can be at his side.

I hate myself for thinking this way.

I should be better than this.

Nee san once told me that that I was the kind of person who would give his whole heart to only one person. She said that once I've given my heart it was only meant for that one person.

I used to laugh back then, saying how absurd it sounded. Because I knew I was always the kind of person who never gives his whole heart to something.

Even Tezuka agreed on that. I never gave my best to anything and I never took anything totally serious.

_Until him..._

Now I know what she meant. I have given my heart to Tezuka, and even though he already gave his heart to another person I still love him.

I really do feel stupid. I'm crazy. I'm hurting but I still continue to love him.

They say that to forget someone, find someone else.

_But I can't._

I'm so stuck up with Tezuka.

But I know he will never love me.

Love is the same with tennis for him.

_'I' will never be good enough for him._

_'I' will only always be no. 2 for him._

I have done everything to make him love me but in the end I still failed. Maybe this is a sign that I can never be with him. Maybe it's really time to give up.

Stupidity has its limit too right?

"WATCH OUT!!"

So stuck up with my thoughts I didn't even hear or notice the car rushing towards me, and before I was able to react I felt an immense pain all over my body. The last thing I could remember was Eiji screaming my name and Oishi calling for an ambulance. The darkness was consuming me and I was still thinking of him…

_Tezuka!_

TBC…

**Wow… finally I ended the second chapter! In the next chapter it's gonna be written in Tezuka's point of view… sorry if the chapter is quite short.., hehehe… anyway… **

**Pls. review! **

**By the ways…, thanks to all the reviews! Every review really makes me happy…! ^_^ **


End file.
